7 Signs You Are In A 'Meaningful Romance' And Not In A 'Meaningful Relationship'

Most of us generally use these two magic words ‘romantic relationships’ when in reality ‘romance’ and ‘relationship’ often two different phenomena. Now imagine, like an expert Sushi chef if you take a tiniest slice out of a huge chunk of ‘romantic relationships’ then you would get that exact quantity of ‘romance’. Now question is what’s the difference between ‘meaningful romance’ and ‘meaningful relationship’? Well, you can share that tiny pieces of romance with many (however eventually the entire chunk would finished in that process, at least logic says so). On the contrary, if you plan to maintain a ‘meaningful relationship’ then you should share that entire chunk with one person only. I know that entire introduction process was quite confusing, hope rest of the blog would be able to clear that confusion.

Before I start this blog I would like to mention that its my personal opinion on the basis of my observation and that’s not a thesis. Any person can go through all these experiences irrespective of their age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, ethnicity etc. I am writing that blog on the basis of my personal experience, experiences I have accumulated from real living – breathing human being in the course of my social studies (once again, that’s not a thesis). I would not claim I have seen all these people with my own eyes, but I have heard their voices with my own ears.   Now, anyone can have their own opinion and they can feel “a person can have multiple meaningful romantic relationships with multiple partners”, now that does not make me a ‘Romance Phobic’ (at least I guess so). Because, this blog is about those confused people who lives with the dilemma and that is – ‘is that a relationship or not’? Therefore, let’s check all these following points: –

1. Both of You Are Not on Same Page of Life: I am not talking about ‘pace’, here I am talking about ‘page’. Professionally you both can be in two opposite poles; one can be more successful than other; but, what about personal life? To be more precise, say one partner running from pillar to post all alone to arrange money and other necessary resources in order to fix a personal crisis (e.g Health); by the meantime other partner is enjoying her life with her other partner (family) and friends. Although she is sending romantic texts frequently (probably out of guilt or just as a formality), but would you call it a ‘meaningful relationship’? You should not, because it is definitely a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relation’ means ‘in sickness and health’.

2. You Are Only Remembered Seasonally: Yes, it’s another vital red flag. Never ignore the scenario when your partner only remembers you seasonally. It could be birthdays’ season, Valentine’s days season, anniversary season (e.g. anniversary of first meeting, anniversary of first hugging, anniversary of first kissing, anniversary of first love making etc), where both of you would see each other, exchange gifts, would shower lots of affection and attention for time being and once the season is over you are all alone in your own world and she is busy in her world. Well, if you are experiencing something like that then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relationship’ is not a celebration of seasonal festivities.

3. You Don’t Get First Priority: I can remember about one man who went to Sikkim to see mesmerizing orchid blooming while his wife was giving birth to their only child. Now, that man had two choices but he chose according to his priority. I know, that was slight cruel example. however, think practically. As a human being we have very limited ability, we just can’t be at two places at the same time. Therefore, you should observe –  Whether do you get first priority in her life or her other partner gets that? Does she manage time to spend with you on some ‘not so special occasions’ or she thinks and calculate million times about her schedule with her other partner before giving time to you? Does she place your wishes at the top of her priority list or she makes excuses due to her other partner? Basically, it’s very important to know that how much you mean to your partner? If you get priority only according to her convenience then you are definitely in a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relationship’ is never about own convenience.

4. You Are Not Fulfilling the Basic Conditions: Yes! When your love is not unconditional then its romance. Most common condition that I have heard here that condition is -“I love traveling and I am looking for someone who would travel with me”. It may sound weird but its true. However, my question is – “Would you choose your partner on the basis of ‘common hobbies’ or on the basis of ‘common values’?” Therefore if you are listening to that complain constantly that you could not fulfill her basic conditions, then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’, because right from the beginning it’s very clear that she chose you because her other partner can not afford enough time or money to fulfill her hobbies.

5. You Are Feeling Lonely: Loneliness is like an untreated wound on soul. You can only get rid off it either being successful in your dream profession or in comforting arms of your partner. Now if you are in a relationship (at least you think so) and still feeling lonely that means you are in a ‘meaningful romance’; because, ‘meaningful relationship’ fulfill that wound with their presence.

6. You Prefer to Avoid Your Partner: You are lonely, but despite that loneliness you prefer to avoid your partner; because, in your life, now her presence is nothing but empty noise. You don’t enjoy her company the way you used to be. Somehow you have realized you are nothing but an accessory for her. At that position you can assure yourself that you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’.

7. You Have Stopped Fighting for Relationship: We don’t fight to break our relationship, in fact often we fight to save it. We shout because we want to be heard, we crave for attention. However, when you stop fighting and slowly start praying for a ‘natural end’ of that relationship then finally ‘Congratulations!’ you were in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’ and finally you have reached that point where you are desperately seeking an ‘amicable evaporation’ of that entire facade. Perhaps you are taking one of the most sensible decision of your life and trust me that decision would leave a very positive impact in your life.

I don't know whether I miss something or not? I would love to hear your opinion also. You can share your opinion by email at mahua.biswas83@gmal.com or tweet me @biswas_mahua

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Stay blessed and stay happy!

6 Signs of A Toxic Relationship

I have been collecting materials for my social studies through different dating sites for almost past seven years. Though there are many topics that attracts me, but somehow LGBT issue is extremely close to my heart. During course of  my interaction with the people of that community I have noticed the depression level of these people are extremely high, basically they are desperately seeking someone who would sit and listen to them without any inhibition. In my quest I don't know when I became the ears and heart they were seeking for and start to share their pain and providing informal free counseling to the members of LGBT+ community that I meet through these sites. Though I am not a qualified psychologist, that's why my capacity is really limited. Basically as a Social Work student I have studied counseling as two exclusive papers. However, that knowledge doesn't qualify me as a counselor. Therefore I generally offer them my absolute non-judgmental ears and heart. My experience says all these people are looking for a person who would listen to them with great compassion and for them I just try to be that compassionate person only.

After that prolong introduction I am getting into the main topic. Any kind of relationship breakup is a traumatic experience and different people express that trauma differently. Now think about those people who just can't express that feelings at all and they just have to suppress that by any mean. Yes, most of the LGBT+ community members are doing the same. They are hiding their wound silently in fear of social ostracization. Because, if they express then they don't know how much they have to endure from this homophobic society?

Though I can't prevent breakup, however according to my observation the reason behind many breakups is toxic union of unfortunate promises and impossible expectation. Now, I would prefer to clarify one basic truth at the very beginning, that is - my experience is absolutely based on my personal observation. I am not saying all these types of relationships are 'toxic' and above all I am not talking about 'exception'. Therefore, it's not about few success stories of LGBT+ bonding where the couples are living happily with each other. In fact, it's about those vast majority who are in crisis. Truth is, breakup is inevitable in any kind of relationships. However, in this blog I have tried to discuss some tell tell signs which clearly indicate the toxicity level of relationship. Basically, my personal observation says - these kind of relationships are more toxic than others. Why so? 

Well, to support my opinion I have identified following six reasons:

1. Your Partner Is Looking Partner of Opposite Sex: Yes! That's absolutely true! Because, nobody prefers to live in a hostile environment and nobody wants to be a part of minority groups. Evolutionary wiring processes has wired our mind to become a part of majority, because even most dumb animals know the fact that there is "safety in numbers", that's why they move in herds. At the same time everyone wants a devoted and faithful partner. Hence, you can't have that partner of your dream when you are most possibly just an 'experience' for him (or her).

2. Your Partner Already In A Steady Relationship: I have noticed many married individuals are scouting online for that particular kind of 'experience'. Now, just because they are scouting online dating sites that do not make them less 'real' than those who are out there and shouting for LGBT+ rights. On the contrary, these types of people can cause more damage then 'open' people due to their perfect camouflage. Because, they are not honest enough to admit the fact that they are looking for an 'experience' only. Instead of that they ask for full fledged relationships, love, attention, intimacy, faithfulness and these expectations are going to cause all the pain in your life when you will get over initial 'honeymoon period' of your relationship. You're destined to be in misery when you're with someone who wants all the 'goods' of both worlds.

3. Often They Would Easily Blend Into Society Without Any Second Thought: Your partner can easily blend into the society unlike you as per demand of society; because they fulfill all the conditions of the society very well and they pretty much enjoy that social status unlike you. I have seen many homosexuals, callously hanging around with their partners just like a sidekick and enjoying the entire scenario as an illusion of 'love' while their partners maintaining that relationship secretly. Basically, it's a form of '100% safe adultery' where your partner would not going to be noticed by the society and thus they can explore their sexuality pretty safely without any social stigma.

4. Your Partner Is Fulfilling The Threesome Desire of His/Her Steady Partner: In many occasions men and women worldwide join these sites to fulfill the threesome desire of their  partners. Most mature people out of them mentions their intentions and don't disturb unwilling people unnecessarily. However, there are few young people as well who don't mention that purposefully. Basically, these kind of people are really small in numbers and I think they have very low self esteem and they just can't wait to be on the 'good list' of their male/female counterparts.

I can remember particular one incident where the girl I know narrowly escaped a rape situation by sheer luck and presence of mind. She was lured by a woman at her flat. After arriving the spot she realized she is trapped and isolated. However, she managed to escape the bedroom and locked herself inside bathrooms, from there she called her friends and they came at the spot to rescue her. She could not call police because perpetrators threatened her to expose her sexual orientation and that bloody Article 377 was very much present then. However, her friends arrived at the spot on right time and rescued her. That was an isolated incident but full of 'red flags' which was ignored right from the beginning.

5. Your Partner Is Extremely Cautious About His/Her Social Image: Your partner is extremely cautious about his/her social image. Many don't want to be seen with tomboys, butches or feminine men. Basically these type of people maintain dual slates; one for themselves and another for society. The second one is as clean as Autumn sky. Generally they hide their sexual orientation so desperately that make them kind of paranoid. Your partner is not even ready to introduce you as friend on Facebook (let alone friends and family) as if your sexual orientation is written on your face. I am sure nobody would like to be treated as a 'forbidden activity'. You don't want to be with someone who is basically ashamed of your presence.

6. Most Probably They Would Not Choose You Over Their Family and Society: If any of the one above-mentioned point is applicable in your relationship then no matter how hard you try, most probably your partner would never choose you over his/her family and society. The reason is clearly mentioned on first point itself. I can remember particular one incident where someone clearly stated that - "As long as it's about physical relation I am okay with you, but whenever its come to spending life together then definitely I would settle with someone who is 'normal' like me. I want a 'normal' life with baby and hubby."

I am not against homosexual relationships. Here my only advice for the member of LGBT+ community is "Please don't promise something that you can't fulfill and never expect something that possibly you would ever get". These are the clear toxic signs of any LGBT+ relationship that needed to be addressed at the beginning of the relationship in order to avoid heartbreak.

I would love to know your point of view on that topic. Please mail your response to mahua.biswas83@gmail.com or Tweet me @biswas_mahua.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Stay blessed and happy!

5 Reasons to Explain Why Men Open Fake Profiles on Lesbian Dating Sites

At first I would like to mention that I am not talking about all men. In fact this article is only about that particular percentage of men who are doing that and unfortunately that percentage is growing rapidly. Presently few lesbian dating sites (where Admin maintains regular direct contact with members) don't allow Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi people as members because of that same issue. On the contrary, decent people of LGBT+ community have stopped using these dating sites in fear of fake profiles and it means very few like us who needs material for their social studies only roaming these 'no-go-zones' desperately in search of some authentic profiles. However, question remains why so many men are doing that purposefully and my studies found following 5 reasons behind that particular kind of behaviour:

1. Ignorance: The cruel reality of human civilization is "Not only enlightened people even Ignorant also comes in various shapes and sizes"; and when I am talking about ignorance then it might be ignorance about how to fill-up the self introductory forms given by the sites. These types of ignorant are mostly middle-aged men who are looking for thrill online without basic knowledge of English. Personally I am ready to forgive them and I often do.

Meanwhile those individuals who are young and educated but still making the same mistakes because they are not bothered to pay attention to the details and basically they waste minimum time on self - introductory form fill-up procedure. I don't know how to forgive these men, however I can't do anything else except avoiding them. However, my question for these types of people is "what kind of attention you expect from others when you are not ready to be attentive towards yourself"?

Apart from these two types of men there are another type of ignorant men as well. Who are not aware about homosexuality. Just because they don't know that's why they don't believe it and as a direct consequence they end up at the different dating sites for that auspicious 'alien encounter'.

2. Arrogance: Basically arrogance is directly proportionate to our belief system. Now put that entire perception in the following manner:

"We know there is something called 'lesbian' but we don't believe that. After all two girls - what would they do with each other? Therefore they are not lesbians, they are just typical heterosexuals in search of real men."

Well! The definition of 'real men' could vary from 'man' to 'man'. On the basis of my personal opinion I can say about few men's believe system, such as 'man who is physically strong'; 'man who is good on bed'; 'man who is economically successful'; 'man who has a soft feminine heart' etc.

More precisely for them "a woman claiming to be as a lesbian because she has not found the perfect man (like me) and now it's my responsibility to match the shoe with the foot."

3. Social Responsibilities: This breed is self-proclaimed SAMAJ SUDHARAK (Social Reformer) and they actually believe their relentless effort can bring changes in the (Homosexual) communities. That's why they try to pursue lesbians. Initially they shows enormous persistency to befriend with them and then basically what they do that is 'reforming sexual orientation'. So far, I came to know dozens of such men of various professions who claimed they have experienced by themselves that homosexuals are becoming heterosexuals under 'proper guidance'.

"What kind of future a girl can have with another girl? What would they do together? They can't have kids. Society would not accept them. It's against our religion and our culture as well. Therefore, for best interest of humanity they should 'convert'. Afterall if everyone become homosexual then who would procreate and what will be our future as a species? As a species we would extinct for that modern mental health issue. Don't you think that's totally unacceptable?"

: That above-mentioned phrase was excerpt of an IIT-Kharagpur alumni (happily married with two kids) who was pretty persistent in his job to convince me in order to get few lesbian's contacts for his evangelical mission. I would call these men social reformers since they have their own families (Wink! Wink!), therefore they should not have any other immoral intention (LOL). Am I right?

4. Sexual Fantasies: These types of men are extremely clever but pretty predictable for me. Generally they introduced themselves as gay, outgoing, generous and in search of 'like-minded' women only. I have never seen any 'lesbians who are outgoing and generous, still scouting dating sites for like-minded men'. In fact, it's pretty opposite for lesbians, many lesbians mention on their profiles that, they don't wished to be disturbed by men (though it does not minimize their ordeal). However, after initiation of conversation, they apparently change their sexual orientation and claimed themselves as 'open minded bisexuals'. Now what? Any kind of permutation and combination could be and would be on their fantasy list and if you are their friend then it's your responsibility to become their 'Santa' as well! Would not you?

5. Homophobia: Homophobic men are pretty strait-forward, abusive and as transparent as plus200 & minus200 (use your imagination) bifocal glass. They open account because they are lonely, desperately seeking company of opposite sex, but failed miserably to impress any girl so far and for them it is the lesbians who are giving them such tough competition. Therefore as an act of revenge they open fake account and abuse lesbians anyway and every way possible.

These five reasons that I have identified so far. If you can find more than these five reasons please feel free to contact me on mahua.biswas83@gmail.com or tweet me @biswas_mahua to share your opinion.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Stay blessed and happy!