8 Ways to Get Rid Of Homosexuality

Perhaps one of the most difficult thing in this world is accepting own sexual orientation and its clearly billion times more difficult when you live in a homophobic society. Thanks to social media, awareness level has increased many folds within a very short period of time. However, the harshest reality is we are still homophobic and making jokes about homosexuality is quite common and acceptable norm in our society. Personally I feel more ashamed when I see my fellow social workers who are extremely vocal about the movement in front of limelight and behind the limelight they are also showing same level of insensitivity towards homosexuals. Under such circumstances there are many who try to get rid of homosexuality through various ways and here I just mentioned most common eight ways that I have witnessed in my life. Again I would like to clarify that blog is based on my personal experiences only.

1. Pretend You Are Not: The very first thing you can do is pretend as straight. Not only in front of others, you have to learn the critical art of pretending to yourself. Though it's a very effective but short term method. Because, eventually you will come to the terms of your own Sexuality. After all how long someone can lie to herself?

2. Insult Homosexuals: I can mention one person who was bullied by her cousin in her early twenties when she was struggling with her own sexual orientation. Back at that time her cousin used to whisper in her ears 'LESBIAN' to make her uncomfortable in different family reunions. I asked her - "Why did you share your personal feelings with someone who is not a trustworthy person at all"? Her reply baffled me. Actually her cousin had slept with her and she came to know about her sexuality in that manner. Later she got involved with a man and tied the knot. Post her marriage she thought she got right to mock someone else, because marriage has 'cured' her sexual orientation. However, that method was also short lived; because, after ten years of marriage her cousin suddenly wanted to rekindle their relationship. Suddenly she was pretty much supportive about entire LGBTQ+ community. Now, what was the reason of that sudden change? Actually, she could not pretend to herself and in front of her husband anymore about her true sexual orientation. Presently, she is carrying the coffin of their marriage all alone.

3. Consult Psychologist: Consult psychologist and attend regular counseling sessions. Personally, I know someone who went to a psychologist to change her sexual orientation and she was paying 1500 INR for each session. That counselor promised her he could and would change her sexual orientation. However, after many sessions presently she is in a live-in relationship with another girl and both of them are doing pretty well. Now all she wants is the refund from that psychologist.

4. Consult Psychiatrist: I can remember at least two incidents where my fellow friends were so determined to deny their sexual orientation that, they even consult psychiatrist and ask for medication. They didn't reveal anything about their truth and instead of that they concocted other stories and started asking for medication for their symptoms. Finally psychiatrist sent them to psychologist and after proper counseling their true identity were revealed in front of themselves and they had to accept the truth. Presently they are living much peaceful lives with their inner truth.

5. Date Someone From Opposite Sex: Yes, many do date opponent sex just to avoid the truth. Now, the most adverse reality of dating is you are involving another person in your own mess. Now either you have to get married or break someone else's heart. I don't know which one is more convenient?

6. Attempt Suicide: You can attempt suicide as I have witnessed many such instances. If you get 'success' in your attempt then you are leaving few living - breathing dead bodies of your near and dear ones behind you for the eternity and if you don't get 'success' then you have to face everyone around you for the rest of your life. I don't know which one is more difficult? Our society can be so insensitive it can extract fun out of any misery. One woman I knew became 'Phenyle Auntie' overnight after her recovery from a failed suicide attempt by consuming Phenyle. Yes, that is our society.

7. Get Married: It is the last and most convenient step to get rid of homosexuality, since, after marriage no one would bother about your homosexuality. I am not against of that option but I would suggest if you have to marry then marry someone from community. At least you can expect safety inside bedroom, but that does not mean you are immune to social pressure. After marriage next pressure would be kid and if both of you are prepare for that then go ahead; otherwise marriage is not a good option for you as well.

8. Have Babies: Recently one of my friend informed me that she is planning for baby. Exactly two years back she got married under family pressure and that was a 'marriage of convenience'. Since her husband was extremely feminine gay, therefore she was confident about her own 'safety'. However, now after two years of marriage she is planning for baby and it's also under social pressure. She is not alone, I have heard many such scenarios and I think it's the ultimate point. Once you have baby then you are stuck for one generation, hence "CONGRATULATIONS!" ...finally you got rid of homosexuality (at least for next one generation you have to suppress your sexual orientation to yourself for the sake of your child.).

I can remember all these eight ways right now. If you have experienced anything additional then please share your experience.

10 Answers For Homophobes

Recently I came across a viral marriage video on YouTube. That was a viral video for a particular reason; because, there two Bengali girls were getting married following our own Bengali rituals and customs. Now, I have a bad habit and that is browsing comment section of every video while watching videos on Youtube and old habit die hard. Therefore, I could not resist myself to repeat the same habit here as well. According to my observation along with best wishes that couple had also received many homophobic remarks or more precise 'homophobic questions' as well. I tried my level best to detect 10 most common homophobic questions and trying to answer them in this blog. I would try to keep my answers as brief as possible. 

1. What kind of future a girl can have with another girl or a man with another man?

Ans. Exact similar kind of future with similar kind of pros and cons a man can have with 'another' woman or a woman can have with 'another' man.

2. What would they 'do' together?

Ans. The inner meaning of that question is extremely demeaning for a civilized person and that's why I am not going to that extent. I just want to say only one sentence and that is -"that's none of your business".

3. Can they have kids?

Ans. Every heterosexual couple on this planet can't have kids; because marriage only guarantees the birth right of next generation and it never guarantees the birth of future generation. In my life I have seen many childless heterosexual couples and they are living happily. For many couples it was a part of their well thought future plan to not have a child and living lives on their own terms.

On the contrary in this modern era if a homosexual couple wants to have kid they can have that at any time. However, it is a very personal decision that only a couple should take by themselves without any interference of the society and that rule is applicable to every couple irrespective of their sexual orientation. Unfortunately, our society can't restrain themselves in poking noses in that issue as well, which is extremely rude.

4. Would society accept them?

Ans. I am sure society is changing pretty fast and one day they will change their mindset towards homosexuals as well. That change would not come in one year or 10 years; but, gradually it would come.

5. Don't you think it's against our culture and religion?

Ans. If you are talking about Hinduism then it has mentioned the presence of homosexuals in the society. Prominent ancient Hindu scriptures such as Kamasutra, Padma Purana and others had mentioned about homosexuality. In Hinduism there was a certain level of tolerance for homosexuality and it never denied the existence of sexual minorities in the society.

6. If everyone becomes homosexuals then who would procreate and what will be our future as species?

Ans. Everyone would never become homosexuals and throughout the history of mankind homosexuals would remain sexual minorities. Therefore, nothing to worry at all. Though situation can change drastically if some zombie virus attack human race and change everyone's sexual orientation overnight. 

Apart from that as a species we are doing great disservice to our mother earth. Thanks to our greed and cruelty earth is experiencing its 6th mass extinction right now. If I would have to be the mother of such species (called 'human') I would celebrate the mass extinction of that species at any given time. However, that is my personal opinion and not my answer.

7. Are we going to face 'qayamat' (apocalypse) in near future?

Ans. No, we are not. If war, genocide, rape, corruption, violence against women and child, mass destruction of flora and fauna are not bringing 'qayamat' then probably our so called God doesn't care anymore about us or may be he (or she or both) is depending on our own destructive abilities and does not want to interfere in bringing 'qayamat' to mankind.

8. Don't you think that is a modern mental health crisis?

Ans. In 1973 American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the list of mental illnesses. That means it's not a mental health issue and that is scientifically proven fact.

9. If a girl can have sex with another girl then why not with an animal?

Ans. Homosexuality and beastiality are absolutely two different things. Any sexual act is normal as long as it's happening between two adults consensual partners. I don't think we can understand the language of animals; hence it's not possible to assume their consent and that's why if a girl (or a boy) have sex with an animal then it will be animal abuse and the same way if a human have sex with another non-consensual adult human then its rape. Similarly, if an adult person get sexually involved with a minor then it will be pedophilia.

10. Don't you think that they can change their choice?

Ans. Homosexuality is not a choice. Nobody chooses to be a homosexual and each and every homosexual is a homosexual because they are mentally wired to be so.

In this article I have tried to answer 10 most intriguing questions and I am sure there are many more roaming out there waiting to be answered.

6 Ways To Conclude The Difference of 'Smiling Rainbow' From Other Competitors

In Pioneer Tournament one of the most popular question was 'the difference of our project then similar projects' and 'the available competitors of our project'. I am giving both answers in a single blog, since both answers are somewhere intertwined.

1. Its Not About LGBTQ+ Right Activism: - Presently all the Indian non-profits organizations who are working on the LGBTQ+ issues they are mostly involved in activism and the members of these organizations are open people of the community. On the contrary, the main purpose of this project is to fulfill the basic needs of the LGBTQ+ community members and the members of the organization could be both closeted and open people.

2. Its Both For Closeted and Open Members of The Community: - We would never ask to do anything to our members where their privacy would be compromised. Any kind of posters, banners, pictures or anything indicative would not be used in both our indoor and outdoor activites which might expose the true sexual orientation of the members. Though homosexuality is no longer punishable crime in India, but amendment in law does not improve the age old mindset of the society overnight. Therefore, confidentiality of our members is our first priority.

3. It Will Remain An Initiative For The LGBTQ+ Community Members By The LGBTQ+ Community Members: - Unlike other non-profit organizations who are working on similar issue, we would only recruit LGBTQ+ community members only to run the project both as employees and volunteers. Because, our personal experience says a LGBTQ+ community members feels more comfortable to open up their hearts in front of another community member and that theory is especially applicable for most closeted members of LGBTQ+ community.

4. 24x7 Free counseling Services: - Presently India has lowest internet cost and as a direct consequence both in urban and rural areas most young people can afford android phones with internet. Our 24x7 free counseling service would provide them support around the clock over phone or by email in Bengali, Hindi and English languages. Presently, all the non profit organizations who are working on similar issue and providing counseling to their clients, they are providing the support for a very short period of the week and most of them charge a fees and that support is also urban based. However, our personal experience says people can feel depressed at any time irrespective of any situation and that's why support should be around the clock as well. It's a 'relationship building initiative' for our part.

5. Free Support In Online Profile Writing For Different Dating Sites: - So far, we have noticed there are many people out there who don't get proper response online, just because they can't express themselves. That's why apparently their profiles look like fake profiles. That's why we would support them to write smart profiles for dating sites absolutely free of cost and it would possibly attract more attention towards their profiles of dating sites. It's a very unique and intimate service we are going to provide to our members as our 'relationship building initiative'.

6. Regular Indoor and Outdoor Activities: - Despite all these free support their will be a certain number of members who would crave for face-to-face meetings with 'own kind' and we would arrange regular indoor and outdoor activities for those members where they would get the auspicious opportunity to 'be themselves' and they don't have to pretend that they are not. Presently most of the non-profit are not giving that support to their members and few provide that meetup support at their office premises. However, we would bring our meetup venues as close proximity of our members where they would have much easier access to our different meetup initiatives.

Initially all these six points that I can mention that truely excludes our project then it's competitors. I would add additional points as it come to my mind.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

How 'Smiling Rainbow' Project Would Create More Impact In The Community?

One of the applicant of Pioneer Tournament has asked me the question that - "how the Smiling Rainbow project would create more impact in the community"? I am going to clear that doubt as well.

Firstly 'Smiling Rainbow' is not about LGBT+ activism. We are not fighting for the basic rights of that community. Not because we don't believe in that activism. In fact we know its importance more than others and at the same time we know there are plenty of non-profit organizations out there who are fighting for the same cause. Therefore, another endeavor on that same issue would not bring much help towards the community.

It's an effort to fulfill the basic needs of the community and that need is 'the need of a life partner'. We believe even the closeted members of our community has every right to be someone's soulmates. That struggle may be unknown for the citizens of those nations where homosexuality is widely accepted. However, we should not forget about those people as well who gets persecuted only because of their sexual orientation. Very recently homosexuality was a punishable crime in India under Section 377 and the amendment of that section didn't erase the widespread homophobia from the mind of the people.

The basic target would be creating an online platform where they would get 24x7 free counseling over phone, a free dating sites which would never asked them to upgrade in order to obtain more facilities, free support in profile writing, each and every profile of that site would be authenticated verified profiles and that means, specially lesbian users would not be harassed by homophobic men. Apart from that this site would arrange regular indoor and outdoor activities where they would get to be themselves. For a homophobic society where most members are closeted, there all these kind of supports are truly unique and most of the LGBT+ community members who belong to the developed world might take these support for granted; but that does not change the fate of the developing world.

Our first target would be launching a platform for similar kind of people and building a close knit community. Later adding different kinds of self-sustained businesses to support the livelihood of that community members who are struggling for their survival. We would address the 'needs' instead of 'rights'.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Ensuring The Confidentiality of Closeted LGBTQ Community Member

Since mental health related issues are rampant among the LGBTQ community members that is why recently I have created a group on Facebook to provide free counseling sessions to the members of that community.

So far I have experienced who ever asking for counseling most of them are closeted individuals who are not prepared to come out yet and put their lives in jeopardy. Though I am not surprised to notice that, but I am facing extreme difficulties when they are asking me to become their matchmaker. Initially I was annoyed, because that was not my objective.

Meanwhile I couldn't deny the need of a spouse for almost every individuals and at the same time if loneliness is the reason of depression then any amount of counselling would not be able to bring some changes. Initially I advised them to join the various events organized by prominent NGOs who are working for the LGBTQ cause, my idea was it's the best place to interact with someone from the community and getting hitched.

However here problem is since those people are closeted members of the community, therefore visiting any widely publicized public event can harm their personal and professional lives and that same phobia restrain them from visiting such events. Afterall everybody don't accumulate necessary courage to fight against a social menace at the same time and throughout the history it always remain a gradual process. Similarly, the entire LGBTQ community members would not surface one fine morning. It will take many more generations and by the meantime they should get the relevant support from the society. They have every right to be around like-minded people.

Here most relevant question raised by someone was - "How to ensure the confidentiality of closeted members of the LGBTQ community and what if someone sneaks into the group and start blackmailing other group members"?  After  careful consideration of every possible aspects I could not deny the need of an authentic dating site dedicated exclusively to the community members and I came up with the following code of conducts or golden rules for that particular dating site which will be dealing with closeted community members in a public platform: -

1. Members Should Have Freedom To Not Show Their Original Profile Pictures And Names: - When creating profile for the dating sites or any other social networking sites then group members should be encouraged to choose a profile picture among stock photos which would match their personalities. That advice should be specially for closeted members of community. They can use that Avatar on all social networking sites as well to attract more attention towards their profiles.

2. Profile Authentication Would Be A Double Peer-Blind Method: - Before approving any new joining request there should be a double peer blind method of profile authentication in order to get rid of the junk profiles; where two individuals would take the interview of each applicant member at random time and every profile would be uploaded on the basis of the successful completion of  the review process. This process can rule out the possibilities of unnecessary attention.

3. Key Personal Information of Members Would Not Be Disclosed To Each Other Instantly: - Group members should be encouraged to not disclose key and sensitive personal information to a stranger instantly online. It should be a slow process of knowing each other first. Sharing personal photos at compromising positions is a strict "no...no". In fact that should not be done at any stage of the relationship. Because, these can behave like boomerang if relationship falls apart.

4. Indoor Meetups Venues And Outdoor Activities To Form  A Strong Sense of Community: - Since we are inherently social animals therefore a sense of community is another basic need of these community members. A community where they don't have to pretend something which is juxtapose of their original character. Organizing regular various indoor sessions and outdoor activities could be great ways for socializing  and arranging such events regularly can become a great stress busters for these individuals.

5. Information Regarding Social Activities Only Should Be Mailed To The Concerned Person: - Only the concerned person should get the details of event via mails. Group members should not be allowed to bring any unregistered person as companion with them since it can cause discomfort to other group members.

6. There Wouldn't Be Any Events Which Would Display Any Kind of Indicative LGBTQ Banners or Other Materials: - Unlike other organization that indoor - outdoor activities would not display any kind of indicative banners or promotional materials which can grab the unwanted curiosity towards the event.

7. Sexual Orientation Is Not Written On Anyone's Face: - At the end of the day, truth is sexual orientation is not written on anyone's forehead. Therefore, after all these precautions it would be extremely difficult for someone to exploit any LGBTQ group and blackmail the group members. 

Above all we should have faith on individual's own common sense and we hope group members would not ignore their own intuition about a person. Despite all possible challenges a genuine dating website for LGBTQ community members is absolutely inevitable.

Project:Smiling Rainbow

PROJECT:- SMILING RAINBOW

PROJECT DESCRIPTION:

On the basis of my personal experience of different dating sites I've noticed in India people are extremely homophobic & sexual minorities are constant target of unwanted curiosity & attention for many men. Therefore many heterosexual men open fake profiles on LGBT+ dating sites just to ridicule the members of LGBT+ community. The same fate waits for them in their personal & professional lives as well. Though many organizations are working on LGBT+ related issues but none of them address their most basic & natural need of & that need is 'a partner'. In few occasions where different non-profit organizations arrange meet-up opportunities even in those circumstances the fear of social exposure is extremely high & as a consequence many conservative, closeted homosexuals don't attain those activities in fear of social ostracization. Counseling facilities are also limited and mostly available in urban areas for very short period of time and that’s why most members of our community don’t get any kind of help for their mental health related issues. When most of the non-profit are working with ‘open’ members, meanwhile I want to start working with vast population of closeted people. Because, my personal belief is even that person has every right to find a soul mate who doesn't want to 'come out' right now.

·  Basic purpose of that project is creating a 100% confidential platform for the LGBT+ community. In order to fulfill that need a customized website would be launched and each and every profile of that website would be authentic verified profiles.

·   Since 99% people can't describe themselves that's why professional volunteer content writer would provide assistance in profile creation in order to get more attention for every profile.

·   Mental health related issues are rampant among LGBT+ community and that's why qualified volunteer social workers would provide support on 24x7 bases.

To support all these above-mentioned free services and other administrative services financially that project would conduct all the following paid activities on regular basis:

·    Regular paid indoor group meet-up would be arranged where group members would get to know each other and would be able to create a parallel comfort zone.

·    Regular paid outdoor activities (trekking, pilgrimage, weekend trip, leisure trip, jungle safari, camping etc) would be arranged where group members would get to create bond within their own community.

·    Different merchandises and own designer outfits would be introduce to raise fund.

I BELIEVE WE CAN’T CHANGE SOCIETY OVERNIGHT, BUT TOGETHER WE CAN BRING SIGNIFICANT CHANGES IN MANY LIVES.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

7 Signs You Are In A 'Meaningful Romance' And Not In A 'Meaningful Relationship'

Most of us generally use these two magic words ‘romantic relationships’ when in reality ‘romance’ and ‘relationship’ often two different phenomena. Now imagine, like an expert Sushi chef if you take a tiniest slice out of a huge chunk of ‘romantic relationships’ then you would get that exact quantity of ‘romance’. Now question is what’s the difference between ‘meaningful romance’ and ‘meaningful relationship’? Well, you can share that tiny pieces of romance with many (however eventually the entire chunk would finished in that process, at least logic says so). On the contrary, if you plan to maintain a ‘meaningful relationship’ then you should share that entire chunk with one person only. I know that entire introduction process was quite confusing, hope rest of the blog would be able to clear that confusion.

Before I start this blog I would like to mention that its my personal opinion on the basis of my observation and that’s not a thesis. Any person can go through all these experiences irrespective of their age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, ethnicity etc. I am writing that blog on the basis of my personal experience, experiences I have accumulated from real living – breathing human being in the course of my social studies (once again, that’s not a thesis). I would not claim I have seen all these people with my own eyes, but I have heard their voices with my own ears.   Now, anyone can have their own opinion and they can feel “a person can have multiple meaningful romantic relationships with multiple partners”, now that does not make me a ‘Romance Phobic’ (at least I guess so). Because, this blog is about those confused people who lives with the dilemma and that is – ‘is that a relationship or not’? Therefore, let’s check all these following points: –

1. Both of You Are Not on Same Page of Life: I am not talking about ‘pace’, here I am talking about ‘page’. Professionally you both can be in two opposite poles; one can be more successful than other; but, what about personal life? To be more precise, say one partner running from pillar to post all alone to arrange money and other necessary resources in order to fix a personal crisis (e.g Health); by the meantime other partner is enjoying her life with her other partner (family) and friends. Although she is sending romantic texts frequently (probably out of guilt or just as a formality), but would you call it a ‘meaningful relationship’? You should not, because it is definitely a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relation’ means ‘in sickness and health’.

2. You Are Only Remembered Seasonally: Yes, it’s another vital red flag. Never ignore the scenario when your partner only remembers you seasonally. It could be birthdays’ season, Valentine’s days season, anniversary season (e.g. anniversary of first meeting, anniversary of first hugging, anniversary of first kissing, anniversary of first love making etc), where both of you would see each other, exchange gifts, would shower lots of affection and attention for time being and once the season is over you are all alone in your own world and she is busy in her world. Well, if you are experiencing something like that then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relationship’ is not a celebration of seasonal festivities.

3. You Don’t Get First Priority: I can remember about one man who went to Sikkim to see mesmerizing orchid blooming while his wife was giving birth to their only child. Now, that man had two choices but he chose according to his priority. I know, that was slight cruel example. however, think practically. As a human being we have very limited ability, we just can’t be at two places at the same time. Therefore, you should observe –  Whether do you get first priority in her life or her other partner gets that? Does she manage time to spend with you on some ‘not so special occasions’ or she thinks and calculate million times about her schedule with her other partner before giving time to you? Does she place your wishes at the top of her priority list or she makes excuses due to her other partner? Basically, it’s very important to know that how much you mean to your partner? If you get priority only according to her convenience then you are definitely in a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relationship’ is never about own convenience.

4. You Are Not Fulfilling the Basic Conditions: Yes! When your love is not unconditional then its romance. Most common condition that I have heard here that condition is -“I love traveling and I am looking for someone who would travel with me”. It may sound weird but its true. However, my question is – “Would you choose your partner on the basis of ‘common hobbies’ or on the basis of ‘common values’?” Therefore if you are listening to that complain constantly that you could not fulfill her basic conditions, then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’, because right from the beginning it’s very clear that she chose you because her other partner can not afford enough time or money to fulfill her hobbies.

5. You Are Feeling Lonely: Loneliness is like an untreated wound on soul. You can only get rid off it either being successful in your dream profession or in comforting arms of your partner. Now if you are in a relationship (at least you think so) and still feeling lonely that means you are in a ‘meaningful romance’; because, ‘meaningful relationship’ fulfill that wound with their presence.

6. You Prefer to Avoid Your Partner: You are lonely, but despite that loneliness you prefer to avoid your partner; because, in your life, now her presence is nothing but empty noise. You don’t enjoy her company the way you used to be. Somehow you have realized you are nothing but an accessory for her. At that position you can assure yourself that you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’.

7. You Have Stopped Fighting for Relationship: We don’t fight to break our relationship, in fact often we fight to save it. We shout because we want to be heard, we crave for attention. However, when you stop fighting and slowly start praying for a ‘natural end’ of that relationship then finally ‘Congratulations!’ you were in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’ and finally you have reached that point where you are desperately seeking an ‘amicable evaporation’ of that entire facade. Perhaps you are taking one of the most sensible decision of your life and trust me that decision would leave a very positive impact in your life.

I don't know whether I miss something or not? I would love to hear your opinion also. You can share your opinion by email at mahua.biswas83@gmal.com or tweet me @biswas_mahua

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Stay blessed and stay happy!

6 Signs of A Toxic Relationship

I have been collecting materials for my social studies through different dating sites for almost past seven years. Though there are many topics that attracts me, but somehow LGBT issue is extremely close to my heart. During course of  my interaction with the people of that community I have noticed the depression level of these people are extremely high, basically they are desperately seeking someone who would sit and listen to them without any inhibition. In my quest I don't know when I became the ears and heart they were seeking for and start to share their pain and providing informal free counseling to the members of LGBT+ community that I meet through these sites. Though I am not a qualified psychologist, that's why my capacity is really limited. Basically as a Social Work student I have studied counseling as two exclusive papers. However, that knowledge doesn't qualify me as a counselor. Therefore I generally offer them my absolute non-judgmental ears and heart. My experience says all these people are looking for a person who would listen to them with great compassion and for them I just try to be that compassionate person only.

After that prolong introduction I am getting into the main topic. Any kind of relationship breakup is a traumatic experience and different people express that trauma differently. Now think about those people who just can't express that feelings at all and they just have to suppress that by any mean. Yes, most of the LGBT+ community members are doing the same. They are hiding their wound silently in fear of social ostracization. Because, if they express then they don't know how much they have to endure from this homophobic society?

Though I can't prevent breakup, however according to my observation the reason behind many breakups is toxic union of unfortunate promises and impossible expectation. Now, I would prefer to clarify one basic truth at the very beginning, that is - my experience is absolutely based on my personal observation. I am not saying all these types of relationships are 'toxic' and above all I am not talking about 'exception'. Therefore, it's not about few success stories of LGBT+ bonding where the couples are living happily with each other. In fact, it's about those vast majority who are in crisis. Truth is, breakup is inevitable in any kind of relationships. However, in this blog I have tried to discuss some tell tell signs which clearly indicate the toxicity level of relationship. Basically, my personal observation says - these kind of relationships are more toxic than others. Why so? 

Well, to support my opinion I have identified following six reasons:

1. Your Partner Is Looking Partner of Opposite Sex: Yes! That's absolutely true! Because, nobody prefers to live in a hostile environment and nobody wants to be a part of minority groups. Evolutionary wiring processes has wired our mind to become a part of majority, because even most dumb animals know the fact that there is "safety in numbers", that's why they move in herds. At the same time everyone wants a devoted and faithful partner. Hence, you can't have that partner of your dream when you are most possibly just an 'experience' for him (or her).

2. Your Partner Already In A Steady Relationship: I have noticed many married individuals are scouting online for that particular kind of 'experience'. Now, just because they are scouting online dating sites that do not make them less 'real' than those who are out there and shouting for LGBT+ rights. On the contrary, these types of people can cause more damage then 'open' people due to their perfect camouflage. Because, they are not honest enough to admit the fact that they are looking for an 'experience' only. Instead of that they ask for full fledged relationships, love, attention, intimacy, faithfulness and these expectations are going to cause all the pain in your life when you will get over initial 'honeymoon period' of your relationship. You're destined to be in misery when you're with someone who wants all the 'goods' of both worlds.

3. Often They Would Easily Blend Into Society Without Any Second Thought: Your partner can easily blend into the society unlike you as per demand of society; because they fulfill all the conditions of the society very well and they pretty much enjoy that social status unlike you. I have seen many homosexuals, callously hanging around with their partners just like a sidekick and enjoying the entire scenario as an illusion of 'love' while their partners maintaining that relationship secretly. Basically, it's a form of '100% safe adultery' where your partner would not going to be noticed by the society and thus they can explore their sexuality pretty safely without any social stigma.

4. Your Partner Is Fulfilling The Threesome Desire of His/Her Steady Partner: In many occasions men and women worldwide join these sites to fulfill the threesome desire of their  partners. Most mature people out of them mentions their intentions and don't disturb unwilling people unnecessarily. However, there are few young people as well who don't mention that purposefully. Basically, these kind of people are really small in numbers and I think they have very low self esteem and they just can't wait to be on the 'good list' of their male/female counterparts.

I can remember particular one incident where the girl I know narrowly escaped a rape situation by sheer luck and presence of mind. She was lured by a woman at her flat. After arriving the spot she realized she is trapped and isolated. However, she managed to escape the bedroom and locked herself inside bathrooms, from there she called her friends and they came at the spot to rescue her. She could not call police because perpetrators threatened her to expose her sexual orientation and that bloody Article 377 was very much present then. However, her friends arrived at the spot on right time and rescued her. That was an isolated incident but full of 'red flags' which was ignored right from the beginning.

5. Your Partner Is Extremely Cautious About His/Her Social Image: Your partner is extremely cautious about his/her social image. Many don't want to be seen with tomboys, butches or feminine men. Basically these type of people maintain dual slates; one for themselves and another for society. The second one is as clean as Autumn sky. Generally they hide their sexual orientation so desperately that make them kind of paranoid. Your partner is not even ready to introduce you as friend on Facebook (let alone friends and family) as if your sexual orientation is written on your face. I am sure nobody would like to be treated as a 'forbidden activity'. You don't want to be with someone who is basically ashamed of your presence.

6. Most Probably They Would Not Choose You Over Their Family and Society: If any of the one above-mentioned point is applicable in your relationship then no matter how hard you try, most probably your partner would never choose you over his/her family and society. The reason is clearly mentioned on first point itself. I can remember particular one incident where someone clearly stated that - "As long as it's about physical relation I am okay with you, but whenever its come to spending life together then definitely I would settle with someone who is 'normal' like me. I want a 'normal' life with baby and hubby."

I am not against homosexual relationships. Here my only advice for the member of LGBT+ community is "Please don't promise something that you can't fulfill and never expect something that possibly you would ever get". These are the clear toxic signs of any LGBT+ relationship that needed to be addressed at the beginning of the relationship in order to avoid heartbreak.

I would love to know your point of view on that topic. Please mail your response to mahua.biswas83@gmail.com or Tweet me @biswas_mahua.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Stay blessed and happy!

5 Reasons to Explain Why Men Open Fake Profiles on Lesbian Dating Sites

At first I would like to mention that I am not talking about all men. In fact this article is only about that particular percentage of men who are doing that and unfortunately that percentage is growing rapidly. Presently few lesbian dating sites (where Admin maintains regular direct contact with members) don't allow Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi people as members because of that same issue. On the contrary, decent people of LGBT+ community have stopped using these dating sites in fear of fake profiles and it means very few like us who needs material for their social studies only roaming these 'no-go-zones' desperately in search of some authentic profiles. However, question remains why so many men are doing that purposefully and my studies found following 5 reasons behind that particular kind of behaviour:

1. Ignorance: The cruel reality of human civilization is "Not only enlightened people even Ignorant also comes in various shapes and sizes"; and when I am talking about ignorance then it might be ignorance about how to fill-up the self introductory forms given by the sites. These types of ignorant are mostly middle-aged men who are looking for thrill online without basic knowledge of English. Personally I am ready to forgive them and I often do.

Meanwhile those individuals who are young and educated but still making the same mistakes because they are not bothered to pay attention to the details and basically they waste minimum time on self - introductory form fill-up procedure. I don't know how to forgive these men, however I can't do anything else except avoiding them. However, my question for these types of people is "what kind of attention you expect from others when you are not ready to be attentive towards yourself"?

Apart from these two types of men there are another type of ignorant men as well. Who are not aware about homosexuality. Just because they don't know that's why they don't believe it and as a direct consequence they end up at the different dating sites for that auspicious 'alien encounter'.

2. Arrogance: Basically arrogance is directly proportionate to our belief system. Now put that entire perception in the following manner:

"We know there is something called 'lesbian' but we don't believe that. After all two girls - what would they do with each other? Therefore they are not lesbians, they are just typical heterosexuals in search of real men."

Well! The definition of 'real men' could vary from 'man' to 'man'. On the basis of my personal opinion I can say about few men's believe system, such as 'man who is physically strong'; 'man who is good on bed'; 'man who is economically successful'; 'man who has a soft feminine heart' etc.

More precisely for them "a woman claiming to be as a lesbian because she has not found the perfect man (like me) and now it's my responsibility to match the shoe with the foot."

3. Social Responsibilities: This breed is self-proclaimed SAMAJ SUDHARAK (Social Reformer) and they actually believe their relentless effort can bring changes in the (Homosexual) communities. That's why they try to pursue lesbians. Initially they shows enormous persistency to befriend with them and then basically what they do that is 'reforming sexual orientation'. So far, I came to know dozens of such men of various professions who claimed they have experienced by themselves that homosexuals are becoming heterosexuals under 'proper guidance'.

"What kind of future a girl can have with another girl? What would they do together? They can't have kids. Society would not accept them. It's against our religion and our culture as well. Therefore, for best interest of humanity they should 'convert'. Afterall if everyone become homosexual then who would procreate and what will be our future as a species? As a species we would extinct for that modern mental health issue. Don't you think that's totally unacceptable?"

: That above-mentioned phrase was excerpt of an IIT-Kharagpur alumni (happily married with two kids) who was pretty persistent in his job to convince me in order to get few lesbian's contacts for his evangelical mission. I would call these men social reformers since they have their own families (Wink! Wink!), therefore they should not have any other immoral intention (LOL). Am I right?

4. Sexual Fantasies: These types of men are extremely clever but pretty predictable for me. Generally they introduced themselves as gay, outgoing, generous and in search of 'like-minded' women only. I have never seen any 'lesbians who are outgoing and generous, still scouting dating sites for like-minded men'. In fact, it's pretty opposite for lesbians, many lesbians mention on their profiles that, they don't wished to be disturbed by men (though it does not minimize their ordeal). However, after initiation of conversation, they apparently change their sexual orientation and claimed themselves as 'open minded bisexuals'. Now what? Any kind of permutation and combination could be and would be on their fantasy list and if you are their friend then it's your responsibility to become their 'Santa' as well! Would not you?

5. Homophobia: Homophobic men are pretty strait-forward, abusive and as transparent as plus200 & minus200 (use your imagination) bifocal glass. They open account because they are lonely, desperately seeking company of opposite sex, but failed miserably to impress any girl so far and for them it is the lesbians who are giving them such tough competition. Therefore as an act of revenge they open fake account and abuse lesbians anyway and every way possible.

These five reasons that I have identified so far. If you can find more than these five reasons please feel free to contact me on mahua.biswas83@gmail.com or tweet me @biswas_mahua to share your opinion.

Please like our Facebook Page Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline and join our Facebook Group Smiling Rainbow LGBTQ Helpline for 24/7 free counselling and refer your those near and dear ones who are battling against depression.

Stay blessed and happy!